DeBlogs > Tyler Esselman > homesickness-ii

Homesickness II

A couple years ago, when I started DeBlogging, I wrote a post called Homesickness: A Manifesto. In my opinion, it’s one of the better posts I’ve written because it was more personal and revealing than many of my other posts. I really had it bad back then.  I just hadn’t found my rhythm and niche here in Chicago yet and it was really hard for me live with my yearning to be back home some days. Going into my final spring quarter of college, I can say that I’ve come a long way with my homesickness and have a much-changed perspective on it.

I definitely still miss St. Louis every day. I miss my family and friends and the special kind of familiarity that I will never be able to replicate anywhere else. I miss the way it smells in the middle of spring driving around with the windows down listening to Cake. I miss the open space and the sense of freedom. But what I’ve realized is what I miss is just that: the sense of what it was like before. I’m a nostalgic guy. To the point that I can get stuck there sometimes. But I’ve found that my homesickness has evolved into something that looks forward rather than backward. What I want now is to establish my own home. I want surround myself with a community of people that I love and care about in a place that feels right. This is one of the most exciting trains of thought I have had while mulling over post-graduate life. This is my chance to find my home for the rest of my life. Don’t get me wrong, St. Louis will always be home to me but that doesn’t mean I won’t be able to establish roots just as meaningful somewhere else.

So my advice to all of you out there who experience homesickness is that I don’t think it ever really goes away entirely. It’s like when you fall in love. In my opinion, all the love you have for someone never really goes away completely. It will just live in you in a different way. So all you can do is figure out how to find your niche and make a new home for yourself. It won’t be the same but that doesn’t mean it will be worse at all.

Tyler’s Hot Track of the Week:
My good buddy put this on his playlist for his trip to the Grand Canyon and it immediately grabbed me. I’ll have to put it on my playlist when I eventually make it to that big hole in the ground.